After talking to the people I have encountered with so far, I began to ask myself, ultimately, do the questions I am asking really matter? After all, it is unlike me to care so much about the trivial ‘technicalities’ of my Faith, but I kind of mind more that my faith should be able to help ME grow with God.
I am a person who gets confused half the time over who exactly I am praying to (God, Lord, Lord), then give me just one name to pray to, so I won’t get confused.
I am a person who, when given free reign over my life, allows all of life’s events to cloud and occupy my mind, and I kind of forget about God for a while. Then, just give me structure in my hectic life, something to help me put God first, that I will not forget to pray no matter how busy life can get. (Needing reminders doesn’t necessarily mean it is a bad, obligatory thing, anyway.)
I am a person who derives happiness and passion from understanding. Then give me a faith journey that I can understand, without flowery text that cannot be taken literally, a straightforward understanding that does not rely on learned ‘professionals’ to explain to me.
I want to become good, not because for the final reward of eternal life in Heaven, but because I love God and want to be good for Him. Then give me meaning amidst all these cultural rituals and sacraments, and outside of it as well.
I want to experience a personal God, an experience that is without the frills and complications which only allow me to reach Him with the assistance of learned people, or the very religious.
I guess this is what I am looking for at this current point in my life. Yet the current label of my faith group is such a complicated one for me to comprehend, it fits me like an oversized boot.
With that, I told my parents yesterday that I am no longer Catholic, until I finally can understand it, or if I can even understand it.